Xenos dance off

Sorry for the re-post. Technical issues. Now with pictures!

My regular opponent Mr T laid down some smack talk which, after some clarification, amounted to his Tyranids wanting a bit of a scrap. I was still smarting from our previous encounter and figured this would be a good debut for my Harlequins. We turned up, kit in hand, at Warhammer World, and ended up on a strange but exquisite table. We figured it was maybe a Maiden World. With handy dandy objectives.

I managed to unlock the achievement of a deploying in way that was not stupid. This proved that learning had occurred since my last travesty of a set-up where I left my Whirlwind in the open. My Troupes sheltered in cover while applying the last of their makeup. On the opposite side the Skyweaver Jetbikes hovered behind a tower as they tuned their synths and complained about how their bodysuits always got so sweaty. My Death Jester, took up position in a ruin with his candy cane catapult.

Across the clearing the chitinous hoard skittered out of the ruins. The Broodlord sniffed the air and gnashed his teeth, eager to taste some Aeldari meat.

When the beats started pumping, my Harlequins began the routine they had been practising in anticipation of their big chance. The Skyweavers grabbed the left objective and busted some victory moves. They were utterly appalled when their rhythm was broken by a massive, slavering, four-armed murder bastard jumped from the crowd and tore into them.

After a zig zag little number, one Troupe grabbed the centre objective. The audience went wild! Oh, wait. Maybe a little too wild. And why is that rowdy fan skewering Johnny Lasers with his talons? Cue some Harlequin kissing (no, not like that) and the offender was subdued.

On the far right the other Troupe went for a fairly straightforward routine overseen by their Leader, Atomic Eddie. While ensuring his proteges strutted their stuff he was baffled by how offencive that big sinapse guy was being. "Maybe he's a judge?" he thought. Then casually inflicted four wounds on the thing. Soon the judge and all its chittering supporters were strewn about in pieces. Warlord down! Bonus points, surely?

Back in the centre the crowd was going nuts! Ultimately the Skyweavers bowed out (thanks to blood loss on their part) but the Troupe was having a ball. They slayed all the Termagants with glittery backflips then dropped the mic by kicking a Carnifex in the nuts. Repeatedly.

In all it was a stellar debut and I'm sure we'll be seeing more from this group. Their only hope is that they get a less drunk audience next time. In truth I was surprised at how well they did, as I was convinced I'd lost by turn two. Testament to the 8th edition rules was that I only won by one victory point, again proving that the Power Level system is very well balanced. I'd be terrified to field these guys against heavy armour, and really suffered by not having a psyker. So next up will be a Shadowseer (probably an old High Warlock mini) and some looted Robots.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much. We are The Weeping Dawn. You've been wonderful. Thank you and good night!

Want some candy?

I've gone all Oldhammer again and painted another unit of Harlequins. These clowns will join what is now becoming a medium sized force, with ten infantry, two characters and three jetbikes (or 'Skyweavers' in new money).

I am really pleased I opted for the 'candy stripe' scheme when I started this army. It's pretty easy to paint and conjures up the circus vibe I was going for. I love the lozenge patterns which are traditional for Harlequins but the thought of rolling them out over an entire army terrifies me. Even more than the idea of bouncing murder-bastard clowns.

I would love to do a looted vehicle next to bulk these guys out. Perhaps something that 'counts as' a Starweaver? Or maybe some Imperial Robots which the Harles could program to dance awkwardly in their performances (while they chant, "Do the robot!").

♡♠  ♢ ♣ ♤ ♥ ♧♦♦◊△ ▲▽ ▼

Welcome to Planet F**k You!

"Let's f**king do this!"

...screams the heroine in Tormentor X Punisher, E-Studio's twin-stick shooter before a hoard of crazed demons emerge from burning hexes. Cue a lot of heavy firepower, demon-gore and some very bad language.

My favourite facet of video games is graphics and design, and TXP is a real retro-clone treat. Inspired by 16bit outings like Doom, Splatterhouse and Primal Rage, artist Tuuka Stefanson has done a great job on the title. His busy, detailed logo is superb and embodies the kind of heavy metal gore-porn that typifies the game.

Once you get past the loading screens and options menu, massive, red demon-hands rip open the view to reveal the arena where you're going to be making a lot of things die. At this point the genius of the design is its simplicity. The animation is smooth, the sprites stand out in such a way that the frenetic carnage never becomes unintelligible. A neat trick they pull is that the bright red gore quickly fades to a deep crimson so as not to obscure the next tide of attackers. The naive, balloon font used for text is both easy to read and a great signifier that the designers are not taking this game too seriously. But you probably already guessed that.

TXP is published by Raw Fury Games and is available on Steam.

 

When a stealth bomber has sex with KITT in a Lovecraft story

I'm usually disappointed at how slowly the look of tech changes. The cases and chassis seem reliably homogeneous and largely ignore any other trends in, say, surface design.

Don't get me wrong, there are great reasons why progress is so glacial. The UI is the thing that changes according to the zeitgeist, and the current trend is to minimise the presence of the casing altogether, so putting the UI at the forefront. Also, these products are expensive to manufacture and there is a lot at stake. Each model is worth hundreds of thousands or millions of pounds in revenue. Hence flirting with a trend just isn't viable. So how about we just give it a matte black or silver case, eh?

When something like the Shadow turns up, it's really striking. The company makes weird, illuminated-but-black boxes of non-Euclidean geometry. They look like a stealth bomber had sex with KITT in a Lovecraft story. In fact, it's so weird I can't quite work out what it does or if Shadow makes just one product or several (but that might be due to the 'Fringlish' copy on the website). But, you know what? I don't care. I just want one. And 'Shadow' is definitely not an ominous name for a tech company.

I am reminded of the Sandbenders in William Gibson's Idoru. A colony of craftspeople, they make bespoke tech using a very Arts and Crafts approach to the externals. A chassis made out of mahogany and slate? Yes please. But no hokey Steampunk tomfoolery - I want good design, without superfluous frivolity.

Bloody Haemonculi

Welcome to another irreverent battle report! If you're looking for tactical insights and strategic tips, you should probably just pass along right now. But if you do get to the end there is a treat in store for you...

My regular opponent, Mr T, decided to shed his Tyranid carapace and instead threw his lot in with the Haemonculus Covens. He's done a smashing job painting a small force which was pitted against my Blood Angels. Queue set-up, roll offs and missions and all that jazz. I think we were capturing objectives and slaying Warlords. Or something. I was mainly there to kill Xenos.

To be honest, things started off pretty badly for me as I managed to chuff-up my deployment. I got excited handling my newly-painted Razorback and inadvertently put it in a stupid place. The roof-surfing Death Company mini is a reminder that the tank driver was ever-so-pleased to be sharing his shiny ride with five frothing lunatics.

My 90s Scouts took up position in a ruined building. They did their best at trying to hide against the grey walls but found their bright red armour and yellow undercrackers didn't make this an easy task.

Everybody ran forwards. There was a bit of killing. Notably a combat squad of Tactical Marines foot-slogged up the right flank to be greeted by a Raider full of angry Haemonculi. The Marines held out surprisingly well and succeeded in slowing down the Xenos for a couple of turns. I'm now more at-peace with seeing my troops whittled down if they're tying up more expensive enemy units like this.

The Razorback driver was palpably relieved when his cargo of maniacs disgorged into the fray around an objective. They tore through a Haemonculus squad then rushed the enemy Warlord. The puny alien was doomed. Stupid Xenos.

However, behind a rocky outcrop my Warlord wasn't having fun. The Chaplain vaguely imagined the  steadily increasing buzzing sound he could hear was a large, angry bumblebee. But then a massive pain engine hove into sight. Uh oh! Smack down. He lost and the filthy Xenos machine buzzed with alien pleasure.

All told, it was pretty close and the Haemonculi won by a narrow margin. Mr T had his fair share of bad luck and did a good job of pulling apart my red chaps.

So the prize for getting to the end of this post is that this battle report (and a couple previously) have been 8th edition games. I can wholeheartedly assure you that the system is a dream to play - smooth, accessible and fast-paced. GW has also made a herculean effort to update all the stats for every unit, so you'll be able to play all factions from day one. All the new datasheets are found in the new Index books (akin to the Grand Alliance books for Age of Sigmar). Mr T and I have always used the new Power Level system to build our armies as that suits our mid-core style. We found the system gives a very balanced game with the outcome often decided in the last turn (and sometime on the last die roll). Of course, 8th edition sees the release of the new Primaris Marines, and I'll definitely be adding units of these beautiful models to my Blood Angels army.

While the Dark Imperium is a dismal place to live, it's a new dawn for 40K hobbyists.

Vikings - Wolves of Midgard

It's time to strap on your walrus furs, grab your axe and get ready for some pillaging! And by that I mean; take another look at the graphics of another gorgeous game.

Vikings - Wolves of Midgard is a hack-and-slash RPG developed by Games Farm and published by Kalypso Media. You play a clan chief facing the arrival of some very historically inaccurate beasties who are intent on raiding your settlement and ruining your day. Cue some excellent hack and slash action, loot gathering and item crafting, all set in a gorgeously rendered fantasy vision of Scandiwegia. This is Diablo with furry boots, big axes and longboat-loads of Norse mythology. And wolves. Lots of wolves.

Games Farm have done a stunning job of realising the environments in this title. The naturalistic landscapes range from snow-covered mountain sides, to grassy uplands to beaches with rockpools. And they all look amazing. The textures do a lot of this work and the studio deserves an award for them. But they're combined with some awesome lighting work that gives the game a genuinely cinematic feel. The designs of the world and characters is ace as well, blending a lot of very naturalistic and historical items with some great fantasy visions, like floating ice monsters and goblin huts that resemble oversized poppy seed pods. I also need to give a shout-out to the art on the loading screens, which is beautifully done in a loose natural-media style and really evokes the mythic quality of the world.

So if you fancy some beautiful fantasy-Viking action this is definitely the game for you, my friend. It's available on console and PC, Mac and Linux.

You might be gurning and lumpen, but I still love you!

It transpired my cunning plan to use five, near-identical Oldhammer Scouts wasn't so sensible after all. A recent game of Shadow War: Armageddon mainly consisted of me trying to remember which Scout was which, and who was armed with what. This is neither fun, nor fair on your opponent. I needed something more WYSIWYG. And hence the two guys below.

These are from the plastic sprue released with Advanced Space Crusade. Admittedly they hail from the era of gurning, lumpen plastic miniatures, but I love them all the same. While they don't have the dynamism of their metal counterparts, they do have a kind of solid charm. Plus you really can't miss that MASSIVE gun and bright yellow chainsword, which helps with my 10th Company's identity crisis.

The eagle eyed nerds among you will notice that the Sergeant's pauldrons are rather mis-matched. After Rogue Trader there were several revisions to the Codex scheme of Space Marine iconography and livery. When these Scouts were released this IP was entering its current incarnation but still bedding in, as you can see in this scan below:

What I love about this cra-zy era is the liberal incorporation of  heraldry. I took the the Dave Gallagher White Dwarf cover and 'Eavy Metal miniature below as reference points.

 

I'm not sure what I'll be painting next for my Blood Angels. Perhaps a Primaris? ;-)